The Sins of the Barbadian Father: P. Antonio “Boo” Rudder

According to P. Antonio “Boo” Rudder in his book, Marching to a Different Drummer:

“Our culture is not static. We are impacted by the tourist industry, radio and television that are generally lacking in national focus, and too many Barbadians are becoming more aggressive in a style that is being evidenced across the world.” 

This aggressiveness that Mr. Rudder mentioned in his book, has been evidenced by his very own son, Antonio Rudder, who is yet being called before the courts charged with ASSAULT WITH BODILY HARM to none other than me.

Our words cannot be prepared for books and academic circles if they are not first passed down in our homes and respected by our children. If our very own children cannot handle the weight of responsibility that we are asking others in our society to reflect, how effective are our words really? We must ask those who are AGGRESSORS to their own and the detriment of cultural integrity: “WHO TAUGHT YOU TO HATE YOURSELF?” What kind of MIRROR IMAGE is that? Transparency is key.

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When I reached out to Mr. Rudder to use his intelligence, leadership and compassion in assisting me with a resolution to the unfortunate events occuring between his son, Antonio Rudder, and I he responded by stating:

“I don’t get involved in my children’s relationships.”

Mr. Rudder was quick to ignore my cry for help while failing to acknowledge that it wasn’t the relationship he was being asked to get involved with but rather the cycle of violence was being called to his attention. He REJECTED the call and marginalized me.

All this after he and I spent time together, I was asked and agreed to babysit his grandchildren, I spent time after time in his home, I attended his music concerts, I rode in the same vehicle, ate at the family table, received a free autographed copy of his book and many other activities that CHRONICLED  Mr. Rudder’s INVOLVEMENT in his son’s relationship. We were all in a relationship through our mutual connection to and concern for Antonio.

This rejection by Mr. Rudder was a major turning point that prompted me to begin speaking out for my rights! I realized that most people expected me to just go away so they could move on with their lives. Karma required of me the same measure of REJECTION I was dealt. Therefore I had to reject the denial and silence imposed upon me.

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Antonio Rudder (in this picture Antonio has damaged his keyboard playing hand after attacking a MALE, Jason Paul, as a premeditated expression of his out of control, sporadic and unpredictable rage! We, his mother and I, always knew when he was prone to emotional abuse because his face would transform from handsome qualities to disgruntled disfigurement as it did this day in this picture.)

As I searched and searched for answers to the questions I was asking myself about what was happening to me, I begin to learn more about the Bajan attitudes and behaviors that were influencing my experience. I begin to learn about all manors of SOCIAL INJUSTICE taking place on the island that are negatively effecting the livelihood of local women and children as well as tourists. The more I learned, the more I hurt and the more courage I gained. I had to do something! I had to expose the police, the courts, the criminal who abused me and his community that offered no support services. I had to pursue justice in order that others suffering in silence could find a voice in my refusal to shut up.

The second time Antonio abused me, he was strangling me and while doing so he yelled out:


This act of abuse took place in the Krosfyah band house and was witnessed by Ingrid Holder and brought to the attention of Edwin Yearwood. After Antonio attacked, Jason Paul (cousin of Tony “Rebel” Bailey and son of James Paul), without adequate provocation, and after his self sabotaging behavior became too much, he was fired from Krosfyah.

Strangling me and taking my life’s breath into his own hands was a most vicious, emotionally as well as physically aggressive and psychologically violent maneuver because with his hands around my throat his intent was to prohibit me from speaking. His question about my silence was rhetorical and his actions were psychopathic.

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Abuse by Antonio Rudder led me to Art Therapy. When he met me I was a spoken word artist. During the entire 3 years of abuse I wrote poems to him that we recorded together. In these recordings I cried out for help through them as apart of the trauma and dissociation I experienced. I was no longer just an artist. He was entertained and involved with my artistic expressions but missed the message!!! Again, he just thought he would abuse me and move on.:

Still. I rise.

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Barbados has a legal obligation to protect women and girls from domestic violence and sexual violence including sexual harassment. The State is required to put the necessary legal and administrative mechanisms in place to adequately protect women and girls from these forms of violence and to provide them with access to just and effective remedies. There must be sustained efforts by the State (such as continuous training of law enforcement personnel and judicial officers, sensitizing the media, educating the public) to challenge the stereotypical attitudes dominant in Barbados which help to perpetuate violence against women and girls. – via caribbean unwomen

Even Mr. Rudder acknowledges the culture of violence to which he as well as his son are born and bred. Quote P. Antonio “Boo” Rudder:

“When I was a boy, I remember hearing many stories about the fortunes of women who neglected their household chores to listen to a mid-day programme called Second Spring Lives or The Bold and the Beautiful. Within the cultural paradigm of the time, many women received severe abusive treatment from their husbands and partners when meals were not prepared on time. Fortunately the rule of law, growing awareness among women about human rights issues, and the lessening of dependence on men for economic support because of access to better education, have eroded and reduced the incidence of a rather ugly aspect of male domination of the female population. Moreover, society no longer gives tacit approval.”

Skärmavbild 2012-01-06 kl. 20.07.08

Mr. Rudder offered not one word of apology, remorse, regret, acknowledgement to me for the terror, pain and suffering his son, Antonio, inflicted. He had nothing to say to me about the”UGLY CULTURE” he exposes in his book.  He never has made mention of the impact of the ugliness of his son’s actions on my beautiful experience coming to Barbados. Mr. Rudder, by remaining “neutral”, indirectly (and even directly) approved of his son’s domination of me.

Mr. Rudder did not insist that the RULE OF LAW be implemented in my case against his son. Even his wife, Veronica Rudder, had the courage to admit she had received complaints about her son’s abusive treatment of women before hearing it from me. Mrs. Rudder even offered me a pain pill when the police stopped me by their house as they were issuing a warrant for Antonio’s arrest informing the family that he turn himself in. Mr. Rudder, though vocal in the pages of his book, marched to an entirely different beat than the one he critiques is in the society’s best interest. He, like his son’s chokes, silenced me and exposed his inherent callousness and hypocrisy.

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P. Antonio “Boo” Rudder

I, however, have learned to accept Mr. Rudder’s negligence as the wind to propel me forward along this rudderless drift!!!

I ,too, am the AUTHOR of my destiny and must SHARE MY STORY! Maybe all along Mr. Rudder was encouraging me to write and document my experience of Barbadian culture! His words gave me inspiration and motivation! Quote, “Boo” Rudder:

“Regrettably, there are some aspects of our cultural history which have never been documented and may never be, because we are often afraid to express our views, fearing reprisal from those who may be offended by an uncomplimentary comment. The more I reflect on this journey, the more I am convinced that the responsibility for sharing information which would allow our people to analyse, understand and contextualise events in our time, is a burden I am happy to bear.”

I have a responsibility to myself to honor Mr. Rudder and his son for their impact in my life! In their honor, I am happy to bear the burden of this blog: Focus Barbados! #ProtectTheChildren.

-Tru Focus-


  1. I am sorry to read of your case of domestic violence. But are you not being unreasonable to Mr. Rudder senior in visiting the sins of the son on the father? His son is an adult. You are also an adult. Why did you not walk away from the relationship after the first signs of abuse?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Mr. Codrington.
      It’s very kind of you to speak out on Mr. Rudder’s behalf. It’s always kind when we speak out for others! He, nor his son, have never fully and wholeheartedly acknowledged what happened to me as if my life was not forever changed by this adult’s actions that were unwarranted, unwelcomed, unaccepted and unrequited by me. I am not to blame. I have no shame in coming forward. All I ever wanted was to understand what happened to me being that the culture and people there responded entirely different from what I ever knew could be real. I suppose my curiousity and need to know what happened to me kept me “coming back” because once I learned about the cultural normalcy of abuse, I left and never returned.

      The Rudder adult began my ordeal, the police struck their set of blows, the courts kicked me when I was down and then I came into the knowledge that my experience was not unique. I began to research and became only a step closer to understanding the post traumatic stress, stigma, discrimination, bullying and ultimately human rights violations I had experienced. I wanted to raise awareness because along my journey I found that there were others just like me whose voices alive and/or dead were crying out to me to NEVER SHUT UP until something is done about the denial and delays of justice FOR ALL in Barbados. My voice is not limited to speaking out for domestic violence victims but is more directed at the protection of the children who become casualties of our gender wars! I also witnessed Antonio’s and his mother’s abusive handling of his children which is emotional and psychological abuse at the core—which also resulted in my discovery that their attitudes and behaviors are culturally normal. The children at large are abused at will and without question in Barbados.

      Thus, my blog is about connecting the dots, as I study this culture that welcomed me into its’ world via MUSIC AND TOURISM and then leff me battered and discarded when ANTONIO, the adult, was no longer allowed to use and abuse me. It took 3 years and 4 attacks for me to be where I am today. I hope you will join me in being thankful I survived to become an advocate for social change in Bim.

      Again, the Rudder’s have never taken responsibility for what one of their own has done. Their sheltering of Antonio Rudder has allowed all events to transpire into what they are today.

      I have no regrets.
      Thank you for taking the time to “take my temperature” Mr. Codrington! My hope is that you will now ask of Antonio Rudder (or maybe his book writing, cultural expert, eloquent leader of a father) every question you would think to ask me….and more. It’s never unreasonable to tell one’s story. Even Boo Rudder agrees with that! And what’s fair and just is that he can be quoted!

      For the answers you seek about WHY ANTONIO didn’t end the relationship before abusing me and just WALK AWAY, read more here:


  2. WOW! This opened my eyes, I swear that you were describing MY Bajan husband!! I’m an American, never left the US and don’t really know much about Barbados culture. My husband expects our house to be spotless and food to be on the table when he gets home from work (even if it’s impossible cause I’m gone all day or there’s no meat, that he HAS to have, to cook) he’s controlling & jealous although he’s the womanizer, and when you said your husband’s handsome face turns in a evil glaringly way, my husband’s does too an I get edgy because I know the verbal abuse is coming even if I’ve done nothing, the violent attacks are sometimes subsequent because he drinks too much. And the demeaning questions as if you’re a child but in order to calm them down you have to give them them the answer that they want “are you gonna stop, yes or no?” Now I know it’s a Bajan thing, his 2 brothers who were mostly raised in the US aren’t like that, here the police love to slap cuffs on women & children beaters with quickness, heck even a woman that hit her man, gosh and I almost wanted to move there!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mimi, hi! I am moved by your words! Thank you so much for sharing. I am so sorry you are experiencing Bajan culture, indeed it is cultural. The society has not been “modernized” in regards to social justice issues especially domestic violence and child abuse. I witnessed them both and experienced them both as well. There was not one Bajan friend I had who also had not been exposed to abuse as a child. But let me stop. I told my story in every word of this blog and I purposely will leave it here for other women, such as yourself, to know you are not crazy and you are not alone. Any time someone Googles Barbados or my abuser in particular, my articles appear in the search results and this was my only weapon for fighting back against him, the family that looked the other way, the police and the culture. Do not move to Barbados!!!! There are so many beautiful men and beautiful islands to visit. I believe all Caribbean and African countries are overall struggling with these issues but you have to get out of that relationship and country for starters. YOU COULD END UP SERIOUSLY HURT OR DEAD. And the mental trauma you are already experiencing will be with you for the rest of your life. THINK ABOUT IT. Chose yourself over him. He obviously isn’t putting you first. Why do we sacrifice (or better: self sabotage) ourselves for men who are showing us they don’t care? I think for me I had to get the answer to that question and so I stayed until I did. But it was at a great loss and cost to my health and progress. Whatever your reasons for staying, please reevaluate. If you need to talk, I’m here. Email me.


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