Let me ask you this question. If a young woman were to come to you tomorrow and ask you these two questions what would your answer be?
How can you see the signs? What do you do when you see them, what would you answer and say?
Quote Pieceuhderockyeahright via https://barbadosunderground.net/2016/02/20/focus-barbados-blog-the-sins-of-p-antonio-boo-rudder/#comments
It’s been 2 years since I engaged with the “general public” about surviving intimate partner violence. One of the most eye opening encounters I had can be accessed by clicking the above link.
Tonight I realized that I was asked some questions I never got around to answering. I would like to do so at this time.
1. How do you see the signs?
2. What do you do when you see them?
There are many expert opinions and personal testimonials in Google search results that cover this topic of “red flags”. I would not like to approach my answer in similar fashion.
The only understandable, relatable, identifiable “sign” a person can “see” is the actual SYMPTOMS that the abuse is causing. Unfortunately, it is only AFTER the abuse occurs that one can therefore identity a CAUSE of a problem. The “signs” therefore are the CHANGES a person begins to feel taking place that makes them begin to question what’s happening.
I will quote my abuser again:
“You never saw me getting angry?”
Which in other words translates as: “You didn’t see it coming?”
I can honestly say that I didn’t see it coming…there were no signs. I can’t know what TRIGGERS violence in another human being unless they tell me. After they tell me that still doesn’t mean I “see it coming”. I don’t, won’t and can’t ever EXPECT that I will be mistreated, abused, hurt, or even worse at the hands of another human being. I am not a psychic, a mind reader, police detective or a psychologist.
What I suggest is to stop focusing on the ABUSER or the RELATIONSHIP and then you will SEE YOURSELF.
When you SHOW yourself who you are, who the abuser is becomes easier to face.