I take a deep breath and exhale before typing these lines. I wrestle with where to start and search my own heart to reassure myself I can answer the question: “Where am I?” before embarking on this path.
My journey dropped off where another woman’s experience is beginning. I am composing this blog post with
H oke of this keyboard. My best intentions I call forth to bear witness on my behalf as we face down this demon, Antonio Rudder, together.
Mystik Butterfly (pictured above), also known as Marcelle (Marcel), has been in an abusive relationship with Antonio Rudder since 2015. Her relationship has been described as one riddled with all the SYMPTOMS of intimate partner violence: brainwashing, gaslighting, isolation, financial abuse, manipulation, name calling and only she knows the full extent of the rest.
Marcel has been undergoing the process of GROOMING by someone whose tactics I know all too well. Just as I did before her, Marcel has found herself FEELING SORRY for Antonio and worrying more about his interest than her own. The “good behavior” he demonstrates is apart of the entire ABUSE CYCLE: winning women over with phone calls, pet names, cleaning, cooking, love making, co-dependency, co-habitation, sob stories, and blaming everyone for his misery except himself which creates a trauma bond. This behavior makes a woman FEEL SPECIAL (he’s IN LOVE with me she thinks) and feel like she has to be the one to do what everyone else can’t do for him.
A woman under Antonio’s spell begins to believe the key to his heart is by showing him LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY and will therefore earn his trust, respect and happiness. A woman under Antonio’s mind control begins to believe the key to her own safety, security and to save her relationship must be found in the answer to WHY HE IS SO ANGRY. If only she can hang around long enough to unravel the mystery of his misery, she will surely be able to find a cure and heal him as well.
Until the day such a woman is hurt so bad in the process that she has no choice but to THINK OF HER OWN PAIN, …for a change. Antonio will sense the empowerment and find ways to manipulate her back into the CYCLE OF ABUSE. His tactics include but are not limited to “punishments” such as abandonment (stop calling, visiting, sex, etc), pretending he’s unbothered (being unusually happy all of a sudden), playing the victim card (he has a new problem or rival/enemy to vent about), or his most confusing one is how he simply acts as if nothing wrong has ever happened and just moves forward with no resistance at all. Basically, he fucks with your mind, ALL 👏 THE 👏TIME 👏 . You are so busy worrying about and wondering how to make sure you don’t lose all the work, money, time, energy, love, etc you put into him, his children and the relationship that you are WORN DOWN to the point where you just can’t put up a good fight with him. He can be so evil and cold that it is almost a turn on. It’s similar to what they call STOCKHOLM SYNDROME.
Women like Marcel who are creative, happy, ambitious and risk takers are his type! Women like these don’t give up on their goals easily at all. Antonio knows these kind of women will want to prove they have the HEART and ENDURANCE required to make the best of anything! He preys on and feeds off the POSITIVE ENERGY of women like these! But nothing and no one can ever satisfy his lust to fill the void he has inside.
His lack of SELF LOVE and love for the souls he helped to create (his offspring) has him locked in a destructive pattern of SELF SABOTAGING behavior. Any attempts to help him are seen by him as threats and he slowly begins his process of blaming others for why he has to run away. And be warned if you try to stop him or put the mirror up too closely to his face, he will be sure he exposes you for being the fool to have ever tried to help him at all. When someone shows you they don’t care about themselves or you, believe them.
The one advantage Marcel has that I didn’t is A SUPPORT SYSTEM. Marcel’s sister, Julie, who has been following this blog for years, reached out to me via email today. She wanted to do something, anything she can to help open her sister’s eyes to the dangers that are lurking behind the twinkle in Antonio’s eye. Julie is gifted with INSIGHT and is in tune with the source of divine love. Julie has gained experience and wisdom from her own life and is more quick to listen and take heed rather than discredit and avoid. Julie is exactly the type of person Antonio will not want around Marcel. Julie is like the preacher arriving at the house of someone possessed by an evil spirit who will not be welcomed warmly. This too must be noted as something that is not a coincidence or a error on his part, it’s an actual calculation and tactic to ISOLATE Marcel from anyone who will expose him for the manipulator and abuser that he is.
Why would a man who just ended a relationship in 2015 with a woman claiming she was abused, went public with her story, and shook an entire island and his family to the core, JUMP RIGHT INTO another relationship months later? Where and when did any responsibility for his actions occur? Where and when did any HEALING/REHABILITATION take place? Where and when did any RESTITUTION for all the lives negatively impacted by his actions take place? These are all questions that Marcel and basically everyone should be holding him accountable to. Julie says Antonio told Marcel that I stayed in the relationship as well as wrote this blog because I’m obsessed and crazy.
But has anyone asked him why he has no compassion, empathy, or remorse for even being involved in any kind of way with a woman who would be so “hurt” to be so so-called “obsessed and crazy” to the point of screaming so loud in a blog as to AWAKEN the world to allllllllllll the voices being silenced by abuse of all kinds in Barbados?
For every day I was ineffective saving myself is a day I spent moving forward and ultimately gaining the strength to help someone else.
Marcelle, hold tight to your family. Just because Antonio hates his mother, sister and his daughter, Naiobi, doesn’t mean you have to find fault with yours. Marcelle, just because Antonio doesn’t know the true meaning of LOVE because deep inside he pushed it away long before you or I came along, from times going as far back as rides in cars with his Mom as a child where she would ask him: “Do you love me?” His response would be the same today as it was then: “No”.
Why would a woman with so much love to give (you) waste another day trying to answer questions about his family’s demons? I did the work so other women wouldn’t have to. I published my findings so other women wouldn’t have to feel lost and confused like I did. I dug down so deep inside myself and found the courage to keep entertaining him long enough to get an answer that I would know was the truth and one day I found it.
The question is always “Why?” And the answer is always gonna be no matter how much we hope for a more exotic one: “He made a choice”. And one day when I stopped analyzing his choices, I made a decision that would benefit me and not him. That day I left him alone. And told my story. And then he left me alone to write new and better stories full of heroes and happy endings and not villains like the character he always wanted to play.
Antonio, WHY are you so angry?
Marcel, just know, Antonio leaving you alone will feel like you are going into withdrawal off a drug. But with your family and your mother’s spirit as an ancestor by your side, you will one day remember all the good, healthy medicine you already have inside you. And you will see him as the toxic person he is and your addiction for his presence in your life will slowly but surely fade away.
The choice is yours. But never forget, when you are sent a warning from those guardian angels looking over you, that you are cared for and so special. Some people don’t have that connection, but you do.
With Love and Care,
Julie wrote this about her sister Marcel on her blog https://sunshinesoulsister.wordpress.com/category/i-love-my-sister/:
I just got off the phone with Marcel, we recently shared the same living room space for 6 months while caring for our mom. It was a crazy, sad, exciting, terrible time for us. I really miss her. Here I am once again intruding into her private life, always highly opinionated’… I laughed half- loud to myself… thinking ‘poor soul’ how does she ever manages with sisters like us. I pictured her hanging up the phone with a sigh of relief….For sure she knows she is loved….